You come to me softly, calling my name
You ask me if I will do your will today
I say not now Lord, my sin is my game
I have such a hard time removing these chains
You say, Oh my child look around you and see
All the wonders I have laid out just for thee
The sun and the moon, the bird and the bee
How can you choose to have sin and not me
I hear His sweet voice whisper love in my ear
I realize now that it’s God whom I hear
The voice of the enemy soon disappears
I say to my sin, Not now God is here
Then I feel the soft breeze of His wonderful grace
I look for His eyes and the smile on His face
As I lift up my hands and sing out His praise
My sin has now left me and all is erased
Jesus, my Lord is so gracious to me
When I say not now He finds just what I need
A trial or trouble brings me to my knees
He turns my not now into Yes Lord indeed
I find it simply amazing that He could love me. I am an inconsistent brat of a child. I want my own way so often. I fuss and moan and complain when I don’t get what I want. Sometimes I’m like that kid in the grocery store who wants a candy bar but is told no. the cries can be heard throughout the store as the parent drags the child by the arm through the checkout lane, embarrassed by her child’s actions. Discipline is sure to some in some form. Once it is administered, the child comes running to their parent seeking only their love. It is there every time, with arms open wide and a hug for good measure.
God is so patient with me. I may be 68 years young, but I am still a work in progress. There are times I say not now Lord and he sits back and lets me make a mess of things. In the middle of that mess, He comes calling softly, saying He loves me, He wants me, He has forgiven me, He has washed my sins as white as snow. Just when I think I have tested His grace one to many times, He says “My grace is enough for thee.” I feel this rush of new life come inside me as I fall on my knees and seek Him once again, broken and ashamed. Even in my not now moments, He finds me right where I am.
Luke 15:20 King James Version
20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.